||[Jun. 4th, 2007|01:27 pm]
|||||the pursuit of happiness- I'm an adult now||]|
I had a really nice weekend in Haapsalu and Hiiumaa, enjoying the quietness of the western coast and bucking myself against the fierce coastal winds. I had just as positive of an experience there as I did in Viljandimaa, but it was a different type of experience that can't compare with what I had then. I got out of the cities and into someplace a little quieter, and it felt tremendously soothing to not think about school, packing, anything- just me and my thoughts. I got to hang out with my friend Jaune, who showed me around and made the experience better because it wasn't completely alone. It was a similar feeling that I had when I was in Helsinki, except I have known Jaune much longer than I knew Laura, and it wasn't in a huge city where a guide is better to have.
I said goodbye to my friend Lela from Georgia on Sunday night/Monday morning. I thought it would be tough, but it really wasn't. She was the second of my close friends to leave, and it really isn't going to be that hard, I don't think. I'm going to be able to come home, not really feeling sad, just feeling hopeful for another meeting in life with these amazing people I am living with.
It also helps that I am seeing parts of my home life fall into place, being able to move into a new flat (my folks have helped me find cheap furniture that might actually last as well, and they helped me move in some of it already, go them), thinking about classes, thinking about what the next two to three years have in store. I can't think as far ahead as I used to, I'm going to get myself let down in some aspects of my life...I can just hope for something to good to happen and hope what I want to happen will be so. I don't let some of it get to me like I used to, and I laugh at myself for being so paranoid before because I have lived outside of the American fear culture for long enough to think some of it is plain stupid.
Going home, to me, is a chance to start anew with my life. Sure, some of the old things are there, but it's a fresh start for me, a new context is taken. I'm not a beer-swilling blue-humoured undergraduate anymore- I'm going to be a coffee and whiskey-drinking graduate student and a TA, with my own flat, my family nearby, the girl i love even closer, and a crazy experience that can materially fit into a grocery bag and my mind as well. I'll spend the rest of my life thinking about how what this time in Tartu did for me, probably write about it, but never forget it.
I think I'm ready to go, too. I'm ready to see what this place will do for my life, because as Johannes says, the experience only begins when you get home...
ps: I may stop using this LJ and get a new name. More on that later.